Bearing Witness
In January, everybody is making changes in the name of living life to the fullest. What does that even mean? What is a full life, and why ARE we alive? My honest answer starts with WHO KNOWS IT’S CRAZY. But then I think about the long chain of human existence and where I fit in it. What we have been through, and what triumph, I hope, is going to come. I think we are meant to love and serve the people who happen to be walking around on our patch of earth at the same time we are. I think we are meant to learn something from the ones before us, and to leave something—our art, our inventions, and our stories—for those who will be walking around here when we no longer are.
I think part of my purpose is to bear witness. To keep stories safe and pass them on, to find and share connection even if it would sometimes be easier to accept the disconnect.
I recently learned there is science backing up my hunch that this matters. Robyn Fivush, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Emory University. Her research shows that people who know more of their family stories and history do better in almost every measurable way—they have higher self-esteem, superior academic competence, increased sense of purpose and meaning, and higher social competence. You can read more about these fascinating studies here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/robyn-fivush-phd
Fivush has developed twenty questions that can serve as a starting point for sharing family stories. She emphasizes that both happy stories and those “untellable tales” of struggle, trauma, and challenges are important. In fact, adolescents in families that share the hard stories show lower incidence of depression and anxiety. I will leave you with Fivush’s questions (the last one is everybody’s favorite) and strong encouragement to dig into them with your own family in 2025!
Do you know how your parents met?
Do you know where your mother grew up?
Do you know where your father grew up?
Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up?
Do you know where some of your grandparents met?
Do you know where your parents were married?
Do you know what went on when you were being born?
Do you know the source of your name?
Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born?
Do you know which person in your family you look most like?
Do you know which person in the family you act most like?
Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?
Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?
Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?
Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc.)?
Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?
Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young?
Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to?
Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to?
Do you know about a relative whose face “froze” in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?